Looking Back....Looking Forward.

“Men, you'll never be a good groom to your wife unless you're first a good bride to Jesus.” | Timothy Keller 

It's been almost a year since I finished reading Tim Keller's book "The Meaning of Marriage" and I'm trying to see how well I've retained some of the great wisdom within it's pages. There were so many sharable things in this book and I highly recommend it to everyone...married or not. I probably went through 2-3 highlighters while reading the book, which speaks volumes if you know me. After reflecting on the book and the central theme that continued to stick out to me while reading it, here are some thoughts I'd like to share with you.

Question: What is the single greatest reason I know Christ really loves me?

Answer: For me it's Romans 5:8. I'm a sinful man.

Yes, that's right...the fact that I'm a sinner. Here's what I'm getting at. Even though Jesus knew me completely...my strengths and my flaws, he still committed himself to me wholly. This is exactly how love can truly be demonstrated. It's easy to love someone who is lovable isn't it? But when the stakes change..that's when the real opportunity comes for us to be a reflection of Christ. To be willing and able to love my wife through her most difficult, sinful, angry, bitter, and grief-stricken seasons...is my greatest aim and ambition if I'm striving to be a fitting echo of Christ's love for her. Think about it this way. In your relationship with Jesus, where you often times play the role of the angry, bitter, proud, sinful person, what is Christ's response to you? Exactly! So now comes the question...how does knowing this lead us to become better husbands for our wives?

Here's how it worked for me. Remembering that my marriage is without question the deepest relationship I'll ever have, apart from my relationship with God, has been a helpful. It has been the nudge that' I've needed to remain faithful and diligent in praying for my wife and her walk with the LORD. For far too long I simply took my wife's relationship with Jesus for granted. That is until one day I discovered that she was struggling with anger and resentment towards Him. Much to my own shame, I realized that I had unknowingly turned my back on my primary ministry field, without ever intending to do so. I began to understand that for my wife, much of her anger and bitterness towards God was based on emotion, but I also realized that I needed to invest as much time and energy (if not more) into her sanctification as I was willing to invest in the lives of my accountability partner, my small group members, my ministry team, the church, and the acquaintances with whom I talk about Jesus on a regular basis. The reality for me was simply, I was failing to be faithful in my most significant ministry and my wife was paying the consequences.

This may not be where you find yourself at all, and if that is the case...that is wonderful news. However, for me to see things in this was was also wonderful news. It was an eye opening revelation and reminder about being invested in and aware of my wife's spiritual condition.

I was at a church plant conference last April and one of the major themes I remember hearing from many of the speakers was this, your ministry will never flourish if your home isn't flourishing. What a convicting thought. Where are we investing our time and our effort? If our marriages are struggling, are we giving all should to restoring them? Are we spending our time and our energy wisely? I pray that God will give each of us the discernment we need, to know how we can and should be ministering to our wives and our children. And I pray that he will bless our faithfulness to our primary mission field.

“When over the years someone has seen you at your worst, and knows you with all your strengths and flaws, yet commits him- or herself to you wholly, it is a consummate experience. To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God. It is what we need more than anything. It liberates us from pretense, humbles us out of our self-righteousness, and fortifies us for any difficulty life can throw at us.” | Timothy Keller, The Meaning of Marriage: Finding Happiness in Your Most Profound Relationship

For His Glory,

Jason