10 Actions Kids Learn From Their Parent’s Marriage

Here are 10 actions that I know my kids have observed from us over the years:

1. Affection: Cathy & I are very affectionate and I like having my kids see me holding their mom’s hand, hugging, kissing, cuddling, etc… as often as I can.

2. Saying “I’m sorry”: I want to be quick to use this phrase and I want my kids to hear me say it (and I have to say it a lot more than Cathy).

3. Affirmation: this is my primary love language so it’s easy for me to dish out encouraging words. My kids get a lot of verbal affirmation, but they also hear me directing it toward my wife (which is really easy).

4. Attraction: I think Cathy is hot… and, I make it known around our family. I’ll regularly say, “Isn’t your mom beautiful?”

5. Time: our kids know that we like to spend time together. When they see us steal time away to sit in the backyard and talk, or go in the hot tub, or go on a date night, or sneak away for the weekend…that’s a good message I want them to see.

6. Laughter: we laugh a lot in our house and my wife’s cute sense of humor cracks me up. I like having my kids see that my wife makes me laugh.

7. Respect: opening the door for Cathy, saying “thank you” and “please” and showing her simple signs of respect.

8. Faith conversations: we’re not always praying in front of our kids, but they hear and see our faith conversations and know that we’re always talking about Jesus and what it means to be a follower.

9. The value of friends: our house is well worn from the traffic of friends in/out of our house. We love having people over and the Fields’ house is a regular hangout for some incredible friends.

10. Servanthood: I know my kids have had a better example in Cathy than with me because she’s the ultimate servant. Always asking, “How can I help? What do you need to make life better?” Serving one another is seen in the daily, little things and there’s many opportunities to serve.

Original Post: http://www.dougfields.com/posts/marriagemodeling/

A Challenge for Men

It is a grand thing to be a man created in the image of God, and it is an equally grand thing to be a woman created in the image of God. But since the burden of primary responsibility lies on the men — let me challenge them mainly:

Men, do you have a moral vision for your families, a zeal for the house of the Lord, a magnificent commitment to the advancement of the kingdom, an articulate dream for the mission of the church and a tenderhearted tenacity to make it real? You can't lead a godly women without this. She is a grand being!

There are hundreds of such men in the church today. And more are needed. When the Lord visits his church and creates a mighty army of deeply spiritual, humble, strong, Christlike men committed to the Word of God and the mission of the church, the vast army of women will rejoice over the leadership of these men and enter into a joyful partnership. And that will be a grand thing. | John Piper

Source: God Created Man Male and Female: What Does It Mean to Be Complementarian?

Sanctification Comes Through Submission to God's Word

17 Sanctify them in the truth; your word is truth. 18 As you sent me into the world, so I have sent them into the world. 19 And for their sake I consecrate myself, that they also may be sanctified in truth. | John 17:17-19 (ESV)

Sanctification is the great quest in the Christian Journey. It's the purification process God uses to "make us holy as he is holy." The process is intentional in it's efforts to make us more and more like Christ, in order that we might rightly image God to the unbelieving world through the way we live our transformed & transforming lives. Another important thing for us to remember is that sanctification is a lifelong process. However, this can't be used as an excuse to continue living in sin. While we should always be growing, the tangible evidences of the Holy Spirit working in our lives is a total dying to self and a desire to annihilate the sin in our lives. As we are growing in holiness, we should be equally growing in our hatred for the things that God hates (sin) and love for the things that God loves. A natural warning sign for anyone is if they have become indifferent to any sin that remains in their life. As we grow in holiness, we should also be growing in our hatred for the sin that remains in our life and a passion to make war against it...to kill it before it kills us.

"The process of sanctification involves both a horizontal-relational component (separation from participating in and being influenced by worldliness and sin) and a moral component (growth in holiness or moral purity in attitudes, thoughts, and actions)" (ESV Study Bible). 

This occurs in the truth, that is, as Christians believe, think, and live according to God's word (the truth). The Bible is comprised of the "truth" that Jesus was referring to when he said, your word is truth.

"The interesting thing about the Greek word used here is that it's not an adjective (meaning “your word is true”) but a noun (alētheia, “truth”). The implication here is that God’s Word does not simply conform to some other external standard of “truth,” but that it is truth itself; that is, it embodies truth and it therefore is the standard of truth against which everything else must be tested and compared. (ESV Study Bible)

So what do we gain from this? For me the answer is simple. God's word is truth and our sanctification is dependant on our submission to this truth. Sanctification is a lifelong process, but our growth will be directly tied to the way in which we submit our lives to God's word (i.e. the Bible). If we submit only portions of our lives to God's truth, then only portions of our lives will be sanctified. If we submit ourselves, fully, to God's word, then we give the Holy Spirit complete access to make us holy as God is holy. This should be the aim of every believer and God will bless us exponentially as we lay down our lives, completely, as living sacrifices for his glory. Why is it important to read the word? Because as Jesus said, God's word is the truth and the primary method he uses to sanctify us.

Finally, if Jesus' words are true, that God's word is the primary method he uses for our sanctification, then how would we respond to the following questions:

1. Do I truly believe that God's word is the truth? (Do I submit to God's word or to some other external standard of truth?)
2. Have I truly surrendered my life, fully, to God's word? If so, what is the tangible evidence that this is true?
3. If God's word is the primary means of my sanctification, am I investing the time that I should be into the spiritual disciple of reading, memorizing and meditating on God's word? (How much time do I spend each day/week doing this, compared to how much time I spend fulfilling the desires of the world and/or my flesh?)
4. If I truly desire to grow in holiness, then what areas of my life do I need to surrender to God in order that God might sanctify them? (examples: control, pride, anger, lust, insecurity, self-righteousness, sloth etc.)

Seek to Serve

"Members of the older generation need to take it upon themselves to pursue younger Christians to mentor and disciple them in the faith. Let’s be honest. They might not be beating down the door to sit at your feet. They might not look to you with adoring eyes, amazed by your knowledge. You might not be a “cool” old person. Don't let that stop you. If you're motivated by the Gospel, it shouldn't stop you. Remember, it’s not about you. It’s about the Savior. It’s about what He has done. Whether or not you have the added fuel of feeling wanted, needed, and in demand, you can go out and seek to serve." | Joshua Harris

Marriage Does Not Redeem Sin

"I know...why over 50% of Christian marriages end in divorce: because Christians act as though marriage redeems sin. Marriage does not redeem sin. Only Jesus himself can do that." | Rosaria Champagne Butterfield

What God Requires

The demand in Romans 8:13 is not sinlessness but mortal combat with sin. This is utterly essential in the Christian life. Otherwise we give no evidence that the flesh has been crucified. And if the flesh has not been crucified we do not belong to Christ (Galatians 5:24). The stakes in this battle are very high. We are not playing war games. The outcome is heaven or hell.

How then do dead people "put to death the (sinful) deeds of the body"? We have answered, "By faith!" But just what does this mean? How do you fight sin with faith?

Suppose I am tempted to lust. Some sexual image pops into my brain and beckons me to pursue it. The way this temptation gets its power is by persuading me to believe that I will be happier if I follow it. The power of all temptation is the prospect that it will make me happier. No one sins out of a sense of duty, when what they really want is to do right.

So what should I do? Some people would say, "Remember God's command to be holy (1 Peter 1:16) and exercise your will to obey because he is God!" But something crucial is missing from this advice, namely, FAITH. A lot of people strive for moral improvement who cannot say, "The life I live I live BY FAITH" (Galatians 2:20). A lot of people try to love who don't realize that, "What counts is FAITH working through love" (Galatians 5:6).

The fight against lust (or greed or fear or any other temptation) is a fight of faith. Otherwise the result is legalism.

John Piper - How Dead People Do Battle with Sin