A Relevant Thought on Marriage From an Old Reformer

Here's a relevant thought on marriage from an old reformer:

"Join together in frequent and fervent prayer. Prayer forces the mind into sobriety, and moves the heart with the presence and majesty of God. Pray also for each other when you are in secret, that God may do that work which you most desire, upon each other's hearts." | Richard Baxter - The Mutual Duties of Husbands and Wives Towards Each Other

The Greatest Gift a Husband Can Give to His Wife on Valentines Day.

25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. | Eph. 5:25-28

OK gentlemen, Valentines Day is tomorrow. Are you ready? Now, before you answer...ponder this thought with me for a moment. While our culture leads us to think that this holiday of love is all about material things (i.e. flowers, chocolates, jewelry etc), I truly believe it would be in our best interest to consider something else. Even though this holiday doesn't belong solely to married Christians, I believe it's as good a time as any to be intentional in considering what marriage is truly all about.

Paul gives husbands quite a challenge in his letter to the Ephesian church: 

"Love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her..."

So here's a question, are our efforts to love our wives rooted in this challenge? How often do we approach "loving our wives" as an act of service? Paul challenges us to give ourselves up for her, but what does that really mean? Based on the context of this passage, namely Christ and the church, I believe Paul is challenging husbands to be intentional in their efforts to put aside their own desires for the sake of their wives. If you're still struggling to grasp this concept, let me try a more blunt approach to help make the connection for you; stop being selfish!
I hate to break it to you boys, but as a Christian your primary goal in marriage is not to have your needs met by your wife. Instead, it is an intentional effort to offer up your life (give yourself up) as a means by which your wife will grow in her holiness (sanctification) and her love for Jesus Christ. In his book, The Meaning of Marriage, Tim Keller says the following,

“Falling in love in a Christian way is to say,'I am excited about your future and I want to be part of getting you there. I'm signing up for the journey with you. Would you sign up for the journey to my true self with me? It's going to be hard but I want to get there.”

While the blessings of eternity will certainly begin to manifest themselves on earth, ultimately we are being readied for a future hope. That's right, earth is really nothing more than a training ground for eternity. As Christians, we are alien residents in this world. God is making his appeal to the world through us, but ultimately it's for a future hope and eternity with him forever! When we begin to look at life through this lens, we start to see that marriage is one vessel God created as a means of our purification, and based on the Paul's words above, Christian husbands are called to play a significant role in the spiritual well being of their wives.

I'm sure to many of you, I'm still speaking in intangible terms. While you might be getting glimpses of what I'm trying to say, you still don't understand what it means to you, specifically. So, because we are a bit more dense than our feminine counterparts, I'll try to speak in more practical terms. Take a moment to reflect on your life. Think about a typical week in the life of [insert your name here]. How much of your week is based on your own selfish agenda and priorities? Yes, you work...and that's a good thing...but how much time are you spending at the office? Is the amount of time you are spending there primarily about your wife and family, or is it primarily about fulfilling your own desires? God wired us men to work. He placed Adam in the garden "to work it and to keep it" (Gen. 2:15). But because of sin, men are drawn towards work not only because God has commanded them to do so, but also because in their work they find a sense of purpose and fulfillment. It's not wrong to take pleasure in our work and accomplishments, but like anything else, work can become an idol. So again, why are you working? Is it for God's glory (and your family's blessing) or your own?

Next question. How do you spend your time? God has given us everything to be used for our joy and his glory. However, we are also commanded to be faithful stewards of everything he has given to us. And what has he given to us again? Everything!

Stewardship can be summed up like this: using what God has loaned to us, for His Glory. Therefore, our gifts, our influence, our money, our knowledge, our health, our strength, our time, our senses, our reason, our intellect, our memory, our affections, our privileges as members of Christ’s Church, our advantages as possessors of the Bible – all, all are talents [1] and are on loan from the Lord, entrusted to us for a while to use in serving Him [2]. So, the way in which we spend our time matters to God.

Now before you get mad at me...I'm warning you that I'm about to step into an area that many of you will find annoying. I'm not going to make absolute statements here, but I will be throwing out some things that I'm hopeful you will seriously ponder.

You know that three hour football game you like to watch every Sunday...is that a faithful use of your time? You know that extracurricular activity you partake in (with the boys) at least once a week...is your wife being blessed and is God being glorified in this? Again, before you grab your torches, pitchforks, and pals...please understand that I'm not pointing fingers here. I'm simply trying to be faithful in asking sharpening questions. You alone know the answer to these questions and I'm simply encouraging you to be faithful in answering them for yourself. There are plenty of things like bowling leagues, softball leagues, sports packages on cable, and even Church activities that I was guilty of doing over the years, for myself. Of course none of these things were intrinsically bad, but for me they were sinful because I was using them for selfish gain and the rest of my family was paying the price. Only when I finally took the time to evaluate how I was choosing to use the time God had given me, did I start to realize how self-centered I was truly being.

Gentlemen, the list can go on and on. I won't bore you with a longer diatribe on this subject than I already have, but instead I choose to leave you with a challenge. Valentines Day is tomorrow and the temptation is there to let this holiday come and go without taking time to evaluate the job we're doing as Christian husbands. Before you mindlessly follow the long line of men into the local flower shop tomorrow, take a moment to evaluate your marriage. Are you really being a faithful and godly husband? Are your efforts as a husband rooted in an intentional choice to give yourself up for your wife, for her blessing and God's glory? Instead of buying your wife some chocolates that she probably doesn't want or spending money on flowers that will be dead in a few days...why not give your wife a gift that will last for eternity? Lay down your life for her as an act of true love and commitment. Lay down your selfish desires and choose to lead her by serving her needs instead of your own. Show her Jesus by loving her more than you love yourself. If you choose to do this, I promise you that you will bless her far more than anything else ever could. And the good news is that the blessings of this choice will last for eternity!

The primary goal of Christian marriage is not social status and stability, as it was in ancient cultures, nor is it primarily romantic and emotional happiness, as it is in our culture today. Paul points husbands to Jesus’s sacrificial love toward us, his “bride.” But Paul does not stop there; he goes on to speak of the goal of that sacrificial love for his bride. It is “to sanctify her” (verse 26) to “present her to himself” in radiant beauty and splendor (verse 27a), to bring her to be perfectly “holy and blameless” (verse 27c). He wants the new creation for us! He wants to remove all spiritual stains, flaws, sins, and blemishes, to make us “holy,” “glorious,” and “blameless.” | Timothy Keller

So I ask the question again. Valentines Day is tomorrow, are you ready?




1. J.C. Ryle
2. John MacArthur

In the Beginning: Why Our Foundation Makes All the Difference

As Christians we accept one foundational truth – God – and everything else makes sense. An atheist denies God and has to accept incredible explanations for everything else. It takes more faith to deny God than to believe in Him. | John MacArthur

Why do Ken Hamm's statements from last night's debate make sense to Christians, but not to secular humanists and atheists? In my opinion, it's because Ken Hamm affirms the Bible as the Word of God.

Mr. Hamm starts with the affirmation of God as Creator and LORD, and is able to reach clarity and understanding through that lens. On the other hand, atheists start with the premise that there is no creator, and therefore their understanding and clarity are found through this lens. 

Whatever position you find yourself in, whether believer or sceptic, the foundation on which you approach the age-old questions of life...will make all the difference. 

"The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is insight." | Proverbs 9:10

"The atheist can’t find God for the same reason that a thief can't find a police officer." | Author Unknown