Accepting the Instruction of Others

Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the future. Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand. | Proverbs 19:20-21 (ESV)

One of the worst mistakes we can make is to turn away from wise instruction. There are many excuses we make for rejecting the wise counsel of others, but the passage above makes it clear that accepting instruction is a gateway through which wisdom is gained. The reality is that even if we don't care for the messenger or their method, the message given to us by others is an important component to our personal and spiritual growth.

Therefore, instead of shrugging off the instruction of others, Christians should be quick to listen and pray. Even if the instruction is critical or unfair, there may be tidbits of information that God is trying to help us see in the criticism and/or instruction we receive from others.

Below are (5) reasons why we reject wisdom. These are areas that we need to be aware of and make war against, if we desire to gain wisdom and please the LORD.

Pride:

This is one of the most intrinsic of all of man's sins. Pride manifests itself in many different ways (i.e. self-righteousness, self-pity, self-centeredness etc) and is typically the root behind most sinful behaviors. The main destructive force behind pride is that it elevates self above God and others. A natural consequence of pride is that we begin to reject the instruction of anyone who doesn't meet our expectations or anything that feels like criticism instead of praise.

Pride goes before destruction,
     and a haughty spirit before a fall. | Proverbs 16:18

Defensiveness:

This is closely tied to pride. Whether it's self-centeredness or self-pity, when we listen to the instruction of others through the earphones of defensiveness, we begin to reject the wisdom as a mans of protecting our own ego. Defensiveness is one of the most destructive forces at work in relationships. It places us in a position of self-preservation and places others in the position of offenders. In turn, we become victims of the victimizers and we naturally reject anything that others say as we internally build our argument, defending our choices as just, fair, and good.

But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger | James 1:19

Impatience:

Impatience is another manifestation of pride. When we are not patient and graceful in listening to the instruction of others, we are not engaged in what they are truly trying to share with us. We cannot learn from those who we do not take the time to listen to. Many men could have been spared destruction if they were intentional about listening to and applying the wisdom of others.

Also, impatience is a direct rejection of God's timing. Scripture tells us that God, who began a work in us, will continue his work in us until it is completed at the day of Jesus Christ. This means that on this side of heaven we are always a work in progress. Impatience reveals an unwillingness to accept the progressive sanctification that God promises his children in his word.

And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. | Philippians 1:6

Indifference:

Indifference to instruction is extremely destruction. A man who rejects wisdom, because of laziness or indifference, is robbing himself of the wisdom God desires him to receive. Again, pride plays a role in indifference. When we become satisfied with the status quo we are ultimately shaking our fist in contempt at the work of the Holy Spirit. If we're not growing, we're dying. That's our reality. Either we're active in our pursuit of wisdom or active in sins destructive work in our lives. There is no neutral ground. There's no such thing as treading water in sanctification.

Oswald Champers said, "It is a most disturbing thing to be hit squarely in the stomach by someone being used of God to stir us up— someone who is full of spiritual activity. Simple active work and spiritual activity are not the same thing. Active work can actually be the counterfeit of spiritual activity. The real danger in spiritual laziness is that we do not want to be stirred up— all we want to hear about is a spiritual retirement from the world."

And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, 25 not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near. | Hebrews 10:24-25

Contempt:

Contempt is defined as feeling that [something or someone] is beneath consideration, worthless, or deserving scorn. Again, the root of this line of thinking is pride. When we treat instruction or the person giving it with contempt we are ultimately setting ourselves up to fail. If accepting instruction is the pathway to wisdom, then rejecting instruction must have the opposite effect.

The reality for many people is that they reject horizontal instruction (i.e. criticism from other people) because they deem that person "unworthy" to share truth with them. We judge people based on their shortcomings and therefore convince ourselves that we don't have to listen to their instruction. But if we're only willing to receive instruction from those whom we see as "worthy" then because all men are sinners, there will always be a reason for us to reject the admonishment of others.

Paul didn't say, accept the admonishment of those worthy of giving it to you. To the contrary, he simply said admonish one another in all wisdom. This means that regardless where a person is at in their own faith walk (or battle with sin) as long as they are doing so from the word of God...all of our brothers and sisters in Christ bear the responsibility and authority to give us instruction. And we bear the responsibility of allowing them the ability to do so.

One of the most prideful choices we can make as Christians, is to deny a person the ability to speak truth into our lives because we don't consider them worthy enough. Proverbs 16:5 tells us that those who are arrogant in heart are an abomination to the LORD...be assured, [they] will not go unpunished.

Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. | Colossians 3:16 

How to Eliminate the "What About Me" Attitude.

Life By the Spirit (Adam Dolney - May, 2014)

You may have missed it the first time, but please don't miss it again. Below is the video presentation of our latest men's breakfast, where Adam Dolney shared the passage of scripture that he's been chewing on for quite some time. Listen and be blessed! #GrowOn


PILLARS Men's Breakfast - May 2014 with Adam Dolney from Alex Marquez on Vimeo.

Masked Men

Where you understand that God is aware of all of your sinful rebellion and has loved you anyway, you have been set free to not pretend you're more than you are. If you don't get Jesus, like you don't get that he knows, you don't get that all the thoughts of your mind, all the desires of your heart are known by him, and he loves you anyway…you don't get that…you will be forced to pretend you're more than you are, and that's exhausting. It's exhausting.

There's this weird thing that happens in church life, all churches everywhere, it doesn't take you long to put on the "clothes" of the church you worship at. You understand what I'm saying? I'm not talking about how we dress, because we're all over the map here. I'm saying it doesn't take long to go,

"Oh, I need to have my Bible. It probably needs to be in ESV. I need to have a journal, take some notes. I need to learn certain phrases: It's okay to not be okay, gospel-centered, worship, community service. I need to learn phrases. I need to learn at what part of the song we raise our hands. I need to learn…Do I pat my chest? When do I do the pat-chest thing?" 

Then to begin to mimic the actions of a congregation and, in so doing, to compare yourself spiritually with the Joneses to where you measure up, and where you feel you're not measuring up, you just pretend that you are, and so you tend to regurgitate truth rather than walk in it.

Source: Affections Matter - Matt Chandler

The Authority of Scripture Over Our Lives

"All scripture is inspired by God and is useful for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, so that everyone who belongs to God may be proficient, equipped for every good work." | 2 Timothy 3:16-17

With those verses in mind, listen as Matt Chandler shares an always relevant truth from Acts 20:26-31:

People Desire Authentic...Not Counterfeit

"Deep down, we all desire authenticity. We may settle for counterfeit, but the illusion quickly wears off leaving us with little more than smoke and mirrors. Intentional efforts to be genuine, even if we don't look quite as polished as we'd like to, will always pay richer and longer-lasting dividends for ourselves and those who we are in relationship with." 

Some Thoughts on Holiness & Integrity

Question: "O LORD, who shall sojourn in your tent? Who shall dwell on your holy hill?" (Psalm 15:1)

Answer: "He who walks blamelessly and does what is right and speaks truth in his heart..." (Psalm 15:2)

To many people, even some inside the church, talk like David's from Psalm 15 sounds legalistic and oppressive. However, for those who love God and therefore hate sin, it shouldn't. Christians are called, throughout scripture, to be holy as He is holy. Holiness is our pursuit. Holiness is our aim. It's what we're being saved for. God is setting us apart, for his glory, to be used for his holy purposes.

Pastor and author Sam Storms makes the following statement, 

"Obedience to the righteous commands of God is easy for those whose hearts have been gripped by grace and whose lives are empowered by grace (Dt. 30:11; Mt. 11:29-30; 1 Jn. 5:3)...David [in Psalm 15] is not talking about how to get saved. Rather, he is describing what it is to be saved. These moral declarations are not conditions for acceptance with God. They are the consequence of it. Thus, David is not talking about requirements for entrance into the kingdom on the part of those outside, but about enjoyment of the King on the part of those on the inside.

In His article, The Essence of Integrity, Storm continues:

Of what, then, does integrity consist? I've listed below what I regard as the ten foundational characteristics of a person with integrity. There may well be more than ten, but I cannot conceive of any less than ten.

1. A person of integrity fulfills his/her promises. Being true to one's word, especially when doing so is costly (in terms of money, convenience, physical welfare, etc.) is a core characteristic of integrity.

2. A person of integrity speaks the truth, is honest, and does not lie.

3. A person of integrity is a person of sincerity. That is to say, a person of integrity hates hypocrisy.

4. A person of integrity manifests a wholeness of character, including kindness, compassion, mercy, and gentleness.

5. A person of integrity is committed to the pursuit and maintenance of justice and fairness.

6. A person of integrity loves as, when, and what God loves.

7. A person of integrity is humble. He/she shuns pride and haughtiness.

8. A person of integrity is law-abiding. He/she plays by the rules, both in the Bible and the law of the land.

9. A person of integrity is fundamentally altruistic. That is to say, they are committed not simply to laws and rules but to people.

10. A person of integrity manifests a high degree of consistency. That is to say, he/she is not always changing the principles on the basis of which they live, unless compelled to do so by the Bible or rational persuasion.

Men & Idolatry

True Christian Community

True Christian Community (koinonia) says, "I gladly lay down my rights...for your good."

I probably don't have to tell you this, but I'm going to anyway. We are selfish people! Now, before you get offended let me take ownership of my own self-centeredness. We can try to hide behind our "goodness" but deep down if we're willing to be honest with ourselves we have a constant desire to get what we want, and more often than not that desire comes with an expectation that other people meet our needs.

So here's the rub. When you look at your life and, more specifically, your relationships are you in them primarily for what you can give or what you can get? Now before you too quickly provide the cookie-cutter answer that you know is "right" take a moment to dig a bit deeper to find the real answer. It is my personal belief that if (and it is a big if) we are willing to be honest with ourselves our focus in our relationships is usually centered on our needs and desires being met instead of meeting the needs and desires of others. You don't believe me? Here's a quick test. Think back to your past (3) arguments and then answer these questions:

1. What was the argument really about?
2. Did I have expectations of the other person that weren't met?
3. Evaluating the emotions I was feeling at the time, what was the primary emotion behind them?

Again, if we're willing to be honest...I believe our answer to these questions will prove that most of the time it is selfishness that drives the negative interactions we have with others.

For those of you who may still be lost, let me try to make the connection for you. Picture this: a man comes home from work to a house that's less than clean and kids that are going crazy. His wife asks him how his day was and with a shortened tone of voice he responds, "fine." You see where I'm going with this right? More than likely you've been on one side or the other of these types of interactions a hundred times of more. So why was his response back to his wife, short? Was it because he always talks in one word sentences, or was it because his expectation of a clean and less rambunctious house wasn't met? Only he knows the answer to the question, but I'm hoping this analogy helps connect some dots for you.

But for Christians, this way of "doing business" ought not be the case. As Christians, we are not living in relationships built on contracts which say, "if you do this for me then I will do that for you." Instead, we are living in covenantal relationships which say, "I gladly lay down my rights for your good and God's glory." This means that even if others are not meeting our needs, we live in such a way that we strive to bless them and encourage them. This means that even if Christ gave us the freedom and liberty to do certain things (i.e. drink a beer, eat bacon, watch R rated movies or hang out at the beach) if these things cause our brothers or sisters to stumble in the faith, then as a blessing to them...we choose not to partake in these things. It's an intentional effort to live selflessly for the blessing and encouragement of others. This is how Christ lived among his disciples, this is how his disciples and the apostles encouraged the early church to live, and this is how local churches are still called to live, today.

May the words from John Piper and the audio clip from Matt Chandler (below) be the hammer and chisel we need to help us kill the the sin of selfishness that remains in our lives and hearts. May we learn to find joy in living for God's glory and the blessing of others, even at the expense of our own freedoms and expectations.

"The root of our sinfulness is the desire for our own happiness apart from God and apart from the happiness of others in God. All sin comes from a desire to be happy cut off from the glory of God and cut off from the good of others." | John Piper

The Greatest Gift a Husband Can Give to His Wife on Valentines Day.

25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. | Eph. 5:25-28

OK gentlemen, Valentines Day is tomorrow. Are you ready? Now, before you answer...ponder this thought with me for a moment. While our culture leads us to think that this holiday of love is all about material things (i.e. flowers, chocolates, jewelry etc), I truly believe it would be in our best interest to consider something else. Even though this holiday doesn't belong solely to married Christians, I believe it's as good a time as any to be intentional in considering what marriage is truly all about.

Paul gives husbands quite a challenge in his letter to the Ephesian church: 

"Love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her..."

So here's a question, are our efforts to love our wives rooted in this challenge? How often do we approach "loving our wives" as an act of service? Paul challenges us to give ourselves up for her, but what does that really mean? Based on the context of this passage, namely Christ and the church, I believe Paul is challenging husbands to be intentional in their efforts to put aside their own desires for the sake of their wives. If you're still struggling to grasp this concept, let me try a more blunt approach to help make the connection for you; stop being selfish!
I hate to break it to you boys, but as a Christian your primary goal in marriage is not to have your needs met by your wife. Instead, it is an intentional effort to offer up your life (give yourself up) as a means by which your wife will grow in her holiness (sanctification) and her love for Jesus Christ. In his book, The Meaning of Marriage, Tim Keller says the following,

“Falling in love in a Christian way is to say,'I am excited about your future and I want to be part of getting you there. I'm signing up for the journey with you. Would you sign up for the journey to my true self with me? It's going to be hard but I want to get there.”

While the blessings of eternity will certainly begin to manifest themselves on earth, ultimately we are being readied for a future hope. That's right, earth is really nothing more than a training ground for eternity. As Christians, we are alien residents in this world. God is making his appeal to the world through us, but ultimately it's for a future hope and eternity with him forever! When we begin to look at life through this lens, we start to see that marriage is one vessel God created as a means of our purification, and based on the Paul's words above, Christian husbands are called to play a significant role in the spiritual well being of their wives.

I'm sure to many of you, I'm still speaking in intangible terms. While you might be getting glimpses of what I'm trying to say, you still don't understand what it means to you, specifically. So, because we are a bit more dense than our feminine counterparts, I'll try to speak in more practical terms. Take a moment to reflect on your life. Think about a typical week in the life of [insert your name here]. How much of your week is based on your own selfish agenda and priorities? Yes, you work...and that's a good thing...but how much time are you spending at the office? Is the amount of time you are spending there primarily about your wife and family, or is it primarily about fulfilling your own desires? God wired us men to work. He placed Adam in the garden "to work it and to keep it" (Gen. 2:15). But because of sin, men are drawn towards work not only because God has commanded them to do so, but also because in their work they find a sense of purpose and fulfillment. It's not wrong to take pleasure in our work and accomplishments, but like anything else, work can become an idol. So again, why are you working? Is it for God's glory (and your family's blessing) or your own?

Next question. How do you spend your time? God has given us everything to be used for our joy and his glory. However, we are also commanded to be faithful stewards of everything he has given to us. And what has he given to us again? Everything!

Stewardship can be summed up like this: using what God has loaned to us, for His Glory. Therefore, our gifts, our influence, our money, our knowledge, our health, our strength, our time, our senses, our reason, our intellect, our memory, our affections, our privileges as members of Christ’s Church, our advantages as possessors of the Bible – all, all are talents [1] and are on loan from the Lord, entrusted to us for a while to use in serving Him [2]. So, the way in which we spend our time matters to God.

Now before you get mad at me...I'm warning you that I'm about to step into an area that many of you will find annoying. I'm not going to make absolute statements here, but I will be throwing out some things that I'm hopeful you will seriously ponder.

You know that three hour football game you like to watch every Sunday...is that a faithful use of your time? You know that extracurricular activity you partake in (with the boys) at least once a week...is your wife being blessed and is God being glorified in this? Again, before you grab your torches, pitchforks, and pals...please understand that I'm not pointing fingers here. I'm simply trying to be faithful in asking sharpening questions. You alone know the answer to these questions and I'm simply encouraging you to be faithful in answering them for yourself. There are plenty of things like bowling leagues, softball leagues, sports packages on cable, and even Church activities that I was guilty of doing over the years, for myself. Of course none of these things were intrinsically bad, but for me they were sinful because I was using them for selfish gain and the rest of my family was paying the price. Only when I finally took the time to evaluate how I was choosing to use the time God had given me, did I start to realize how self-centered I was truly being.

Gentlemen, the list can go on and on. I won't bore you with a longer diatribe on this subject than I already have, but instead I choose to leave you with a challenge. Valentines Day is tomorrow and the temptation is there to let this holiday come and go without taking time to evaluate the job we're doing as Christian husbands. Before you mindlessly follow the long line of men into the local flower shop tomorrow, take a moment to evaluate your marriage. Are you really being a faithful and godly husband? Are your efforts as a husband rooted in an intentional choice to give yourself up for your wife, for her blessing and God's glory? Instead of buying your wife some chocolates that she probably doesn't want or spending money on flowers that will be dead in a few days...why not give your wife a gift that will last for eternity? Lay down your life for her as an act of true love and commitment. Lay down your selfish desires and choose to lead her by serving her needs instead of your own. Show her Jesus by loving her more than you love yourself. If you choose to do this, I promise you that you will bless her far more than anything else ever could. And the good news is that the blessings of this choice will last for eternity!

The primary goal of Christian marriage is not social status and stability, as it was in ancient cultures, nor is it primarily romantic and emotional happiness, as it is in our culture today. Paul points husbands to Jesus’s sacrificial love toward us, his “bride.” But Paul does not stop there; he goes on to speak of the goal of that sacrificial love for his bride. It is “to sanctify her” (verse 26) to “present her to himself” in radiant beauty and splendor (verse 27a), to bring her to be perfectly “holy and blameless” (verse 27c). He wants the new creation for us! He wants to remove all spiritual stains, flaws, sins, and blemishes, to make us “holy,” “glorious,” and “blameless.” | Timothy Keller

So I ask the question again. Valentines Day is tomorrow, are you ready?




1. J.C. Ryle
2. John MacArthur

How to Draw Others to Christ.

There is, therefore, hardly anything better we can do for those we lead than to love the Lord Jesus Christ supremely and keep our love relationship with Him fresh and growing every day! Out of this blessed and holy love relationship will come a greater manifestation of God’s love in us, shining out to others and drawing them to Christ. | Alexander Strauch

Three Lies Porn Will Tell You

Statistically speaking,over 50 percent of the men reading this post have had exposure to pornography recently...Here are the three lies porn will tell you.

Read the article here: http://www.relevantmagazine.com/life/whole-life/3-lies-porn-tells-you

We Choose Love...Because Love Wins.

Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. | Romans 12:19-21 (ESV)

When we are wronged by others responding with crossness comes easy. When our wives yell at us, it's easy to be harsh with them in return. These are the natural ways in which our flesh desires to respond, but in doing so...a seed of sin is planted in our hearts...and that seed will begin to fester and grow into bitterness, resentment and hatred in our hearts.

This is ultimately what Paul is attempting to get us to understand here, when he says, "love your enemies". We choose love, because love wins. We choose to respond in humility, because humility overcomes. When we choose evil or sin, we are "overcome" by that choice and it leads to our destruction. We are robbed of the joy we would have otherwise received from God if we were to instead respond as Christ responds to us, in love.

We choose love, because love wins.

For His Glory,

Jason