Husbands: Your Love is Your Reward

Husbands, your reward for loving your wife well is not how she chooses to respond to you in return; on the contrary, your love for her is your reward!

God's word tells husbands to "love [their] wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her" (Eph. 5:25). And here is the good news;

God gives husbands the grace they need, to love their wives as Christ loves his church. 

Therefore, it is in this exchange—God giving a husband grace the husband giving his wife love—that a husband will find his ultimate reward. If this reasoning seems circular, that's because it's intended to be. As John Piper says, "God is most glorified in us, when we are most satisfied in him."

If your hope (in loving your wife) centers on God's expectation of you instead of your expectation of your wife, you will find joy in loving your wife, regardless how she chooses to act towards you, in return. #GrowOn #LoveWell

A Moral Vision for Your Family.

Men, do you have a moral vision for your families , a zeal for the house of the Lord, a magnificent commitment to the advancement of the kingdom, an articulate dream for the mission of the church and a tenderhearted tenacity to make it real? You can't lead a godly woman without this. She is a grand being! 

There are hundreds of such men in the church today. And more are needed. When the Lord visits his church and creates a mighty army of deeply spiritual, humble, strong, Christlike men committed to the word of God and the mission of the church, the vast army of women will rejoice over the leadership of these men and enter into a joyful partnership. And that will be a grand thing. 

John Piper | Doctrine Matters

Life By the Spirit (Adam Dolney - May, 2014)

You may have missed it the first time, but please don't miss it again. Below is the video presentation of our latest men's breakfast, where Adam Dolney shared the passage of scripture that he's been chewing on for quite some time. Listen and be blessed! #GrowOn


PILLARS Men's Breakfast - May 2014 with Adam Dolney from Alex Marquez on Vimeo.

The Eternal Significance of Family Worship

"The Christian family was the bulwark of godliness in the days of the Puritans; but in these evil times hundreds of families of so-called Christians have no family worship, no restraint upon growing sons, and no wholesome instruction or discipline.  See how the families of many professors are as dressy, as godless as the children of the non-religious!  How can we hope to see the Kingdom of our Lord advance when His own disciples do not teach His gospel to their own sons and daughters?" | C. H. Spurgeon

Men, I'm going to ask you a challenging question? What are you doing to intentionally protect family worship in your home? 

It's interesting to me, to see that the trivialization of the Christian family was already an issue in England in the 1800's when C.H. Spurgeon penned the statement above. Sadly, when we look at our culture today, we can clearly see this generation suffers from the same indifference to the Christian family. The evidence of this in our own homes is clear; our family is being pulled in a hundred different directions while we watch in disbelief as the precious time we once shared together slips through our fingers. So again I'll ask you the question, what are you doing to intentionally protect family worship in your home?

We understand the importance of our responsibility to train our kids in holiness and even if we don't Proverbs 22:6 is a stern reminder of this responsibility. We understand that our primary duty as husbands and fathers is to shepherd our wives and children. But sometimes knowing the truth and living the truth seem so incompatible with one another.

My prayer for each of us is this; as the activities which pull our families apart begin to pick up and our kids want to be involved in more and more things...that we will do our part (as the shepherds of our home) to protect family worship and discipleship within our homes, at all costs. 

As men, we bear the primary responsibility of shepherding our children's hearts. No doubt, one of the roles of a shepherd is to provide for our children, but our responsibility doesn't end there. We can't simply say, "I put food on the table and a roof over their heads" and then check out on the other responsibilities of a shepherd. A faithful shepherd "protects" the flock God has entrusted to him. To me, this means that we must be intentional about our family worship and discipleship efforts in our home and we must also be willing to put a fence (read: defense) around these things in order that nothing (not even good things) gets in the way of them.

Take a look at an average week for your family. What are you investing the majority of your time into? Maybe it's soccer, baseball, yard work, dance, Scouts, or something else. Now don't get me wrong...these are not bad things in and of themselves...but like anything else, they can easily be distractions from what our primary investment should be as a family, namely, spiritual growth and discipleship. As we continue to let our family worship take a backseat to other activities, we must also recognize that we are still teaching our children something about God in this decision. The problem is, the lesson they are learning from us is that their time with God doesn't really matter that much. And when they leave the home and go to college or somewhere else...these lessons will begin to play out in their own lives and decisions. Homework or time with friends will take priority over the time they invest into their own spiritual growth. When our children grow up and have families of their own, the legacy we left them with in regards to family worship will no doubt play out in their own families. Are we teaching our children well? Are we leaving them a legacy that we can be proud of?

Gentlemen, please don't let this challenge fall on deaf ears. The reality is that laziness or indifference in this area of our shepherding responsibilities could easily have eternal consequences. One day we will give an account to God for how we chose to shepherd the children he placed under our watchcare and protection. So again I'll ask you this question; what are you doing to intentionally protect family worship in your home? Please take the time to honestly answer that question, before it's too late.


For His Glory,

Jason

The Primary Purpose of Marriage.

Masked Men

Where you understand that God is aware of all of your sinful rebellion and has loved you anyway, you have been set free to not pretend you're more than you are. If you don't get Jesus, like you don't get that he knows, you don't get that all the thoughts of your mind, all the desires of your heart are known by him, and he loves you anyway…you don't get that…you will be forced to pretend you're more than you are, and that's exhausting. It's exhausting.

There's this weird thing that happens in church life, all churches everywhere, it doesn't take you long to put on the "clothes" of the church you worship at. You understand what I'm saying? I'm not talking about how we dress, because we're all over the map here. I'm saying it doesn't take long to go,

"Oh, I need to have my Bible. It probably needs to be in ESV. I need to have a journal, take some notes. I need to learn certain phrases: It's okay to not be okay, gospel-centered, worship, community service. I need to learn phrases. I need to learn at what part of the song we raise our hands. I need to learn…Do I pat my chest? When do I do the pat-chest thing?" 

Then to begin to mimic the actions of a congregation and, in so doing, to compare yourself spiritually with the Joneses to where you measure up, and where you feel you're not measuring up, you just pretend that you are, and so you tend to regurgitate truth rather than walk in it.

Source: Affections Matter - Matt Chandler

Some Thoughts on Holiness & Integrity

Question: "O LORD, who shall sojourn in your tent? Who shall dwell on your holy hill?" (Psalm 15:1)

Answer: "He who walks blamelessly and does what is right and speaks truth in his heart..." (Psalm 15:2)

To many people, even some inside the church, talk like David's from Psalm 15 sounds legalistic and oppressive. However, for those who love God and therefore hate sin, it shouldn't. Christians are called, throughout scripture, to be holy as He is holy. Holiness is our pursuit. Holiness is our aim. It's what we're being saved for. God is setting us apart, for his glory, to be used for his holy purposes.

Pastor and author Sam Storms makes the following statement, 

"Obedience to the righteous commands of God is easy for those whose hearts have been gripped by grace and whose lives are empowered by grace (Dt. 30:11; Mt. 11:29-30; 1 Jn. 5:3)...David [in Psalm 15] is not talking about how to get saved. Rather, he is describing what it is to be saved. These moral declarations are not conditions for acceptance with God. They are the consequence of it. Thus, David is not talking about requirements for entrance into the kingdom on the part of those outside, but about enjoyment of the King on the part of those on the inside.

In His article, The Essence of Integrity, Storm continues:

Of what, then, does integrity consist? I've listed below what I regard as the ten foundational characteristics of a person with integrity. There may well be more than ten, but I cannot conceive of any less than ten.

1. A person of integrity fulfills his/her promises. Being true to one's word, especially when doing so is costly (in terms of money, convenience, physical welfare, etc.) is a core characteristic of integrity.

2. A person of integrity speaks the truth, is honest, and does not lie.

3. A person of integrity is a person of sincerity. That is to say, a person of integrity hates hypocrisy.

4. A person of integrity manifests a wholeness of character, including kindness, compassion, mercy, and gentleness.

5. A person of integrity is committed to the pursuit and maintenance of justice and fairness.

6. A person of integrity loves as, when, and what God loves.

7. A person of integrity is humble. He/she shuns pride and haughtiness.

8. A person of integrity is law-abiding. He/she plays by the rules, both in the Bible and the law of the land.

9. A person of integrity is fundamentally altruistic. That is to say, they are committed not simply to laws and rules but to people.

10. A person of integrity manifests a high degree of consistency. That is to say, he/she is not always changing the principles on the basis of which they live, unless compelled to do so by the Bible or rational persuasion.

Living Out God's Design (Matt & Lauren Chandler)

A Man's Legacy

Men, do you know that right now you developing a personal legacy that will continue to affect people long after you are gone? Question: Is the legacy you are creating what you want to leave with your wife, children and the world? If not, there is no better time to change that legacy than right now.

Men & Idolatry

The Joy of Marriage

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor. (Ephesians 5:25–27)

The reason there is so much misery in marriage is not that husbands and wives seek their own pleasure, but that they do not seek it in the pleasure of their spouses. The biblical mandate to husbands and wives is to seek your own joy in the joy of your spouse.

There is scarcely a more hedonistic passage in the Bible than the one on marriage in Ephesians 5:25–30. Husbands are told to love their wives the way Christ loved the church.

How did he love the church? “He gave himself up for her.” But why? “That he might sanctify and cleanse her.” But why did he want to do that? “That he might present the church to himself in splendor”!

Ah! There it is! “For the joy that was set before him [he] endured the cross” (Hebrews 12:2). What joy? The joy of marriage to his bride, the church.

Jesus does not want a dirty and unholy wife. Therefore, he was willing to die to “sanctify and cleanse” his betrothed so he could present to himself a wife “ in splendor.” He gained the desire of his heart by giving himself up for the good of his bride.

John Piper - Desiring God

A Challenge for Men

It is a grand thing to be a man created in the image of God, and it is an equally grand thing to be a woman created in the image of God. But since the burden of primary responsibility lies on the men — let me challenge them mainly:

Men, do you have a moral vision for your families, a zeal for the house of the Lord, a magnificent commitment to the advancement of the kingdom, an articulate dream for the mission of the church and a tenderhearted tenacity to make it real? You can't lead a godly women without this. She is a grand being!

There are hundreds of such men in the church today. And more are needed. When the Lord visits his church and creates a mighty army of deeply spiritual, humble, strong, Christlike men committed to the Word of God and the mission of the church, the vast army of women will rejoice over the leadership of these men and enter into a joyful partnership. And that will be a grand thing. | John Piper

Source: God Created Man Male and Female: What Does It Mean to Be Complementarian?

Go Back to The Garden

"When it comes to practically every question about God's intentions for men and women, the answer is almost always the same: go back to the garden. When Jesus was asked about marriage (Matt. 19:4-6), He answered from Genesis 2. Likewise, when Paul was discussing the role of women in relation to men (1 Tim. 2:11-14), he found his answers in Genesis 2. The New Testament sees issues of gender and male-female relationships answered in the opening chapters of the Bible: the basic teaching on creation in Genesis 1 and the record of God's specific dealing with the first man and woman in Genesis 2. It is here that we should search for the Bible's most basic teaching on manhood."

Richard D. Phillips. The Masculine Mandate: God's Calling to Men.

She Desires to Be Fulfilled, Not Fixed.

"It's not my wife's issue that needs my attention, love and effort it's my wife who does. My wife doesn't need to be fixed...instead her longing for me to be invested into her life, to share in her burdens and to truly know her...needs to be fulfilled."

It's Not About the Nail from Jason Headley on Vimeo.

This video was sent to me today by a good friend. Of course men and women can both watch this video and find the humor in it, but something much deeper hit me today after watching the video and I'd like to share my thoughts with you.

Sometimes the greatest gift we can give our wife is to simply invest into her and truly know her. 

I have a lot left to learn in this area. I will typically try to look at facts, analyze them and seek a solution...that's my nature, but it's not always helpful. I grew up with three women in my house. I learned a lot in those years. I also have been married for thirteen years and one thing that I have learned for certain (albeit the hard way) over that period of time is that women don't always deal in black and white. Although this is strange to me...in reality this is wonderful news, because women have the ability to see things in ways that most men never would be able to without their perspective and insight. This is without question one of the ways that my wife has been designed by God to complement me. We are truly better, together.

After watching the video above I have a new goal for my week ahead...and hopefully in the weeks to follow. I want to be more intentional about simply listening to my wife and trying to know her on deeper levels than I have in a long, long time. I'm praying that in doing so she will see that I'm invested in her as a person and not simply trying to "fix her problems" and move on to the next task on the list. She isn't a task. Spending time with my wife isn't something that I do out of duty or obligation, but instead is something I do because I love her and it brings me a great deal of pleasure. Is this selfish of me? I don't think so. When we spend time listening to our wives and we give them the freedom to simply be themselves...I think we will show them the kind of love they desire and we will eventually fill their hearts with joy in the process. They will be blessed and we will be blessed as well. That, in essence, is the point of the relationship.

God doesn't love us because we are put together and have a good handle on all our problems. Instead, he loves us because he is invested into our lives and he cares deeply about us because we are his unique and beautiful creations. He loves us in spite of our imperfections and because of his patience, long suffering and grace...over time we willingly submit to his efforts to shape and mold us into the people he created and desires for us to be. He doesn't impatiently point out our failures so he can move on to his next project. He invests into us eternally, allowing the Holy Spirit to reveal to us where we need to grow. If we were to love our wives in this way, I can all but guarantee we would see a difference in them as well as their responses to us.

The only question left to ask ourselves, is this:

"Are we willing to invest into the life of our wife...in the way that Christ has invested into ours?"

Ephesians 5:25-27 (ESV)

25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (ESV) - (emphasis mine)

4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant 5 or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; 6 it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.  

Love the woman in your life well, that by your efforts God may be glorified, your wife (or girlfriend) may be honored and you may be blessed.

For His Glory,

Jason

The New Purpose of Marriage

When we choose to ignore, change or distort what God has called good (Genesis 1:31), we must brace ourselves for the consequences that will inevitably come with such a decision. This issue didn't start with "gay marriage". It started in the garden when the woman chose to circumvent her husband's headship and the man allowed her to do so. It grew with the egalitarian and feminist movements in the culture and the church and now we see the continued consequences in so-called same-sex marriage.

Don't like gay marriage? Don't get one. My gay marriage doesn't change anything about your straight marriage. We're not altering the definition of marriage; we're expanding it. These new rights don't take away yours. So don't try to deny them to us.

The startling rise in public approval for gay marriage depends on such simple appeals to intuition. Look at all these happy gay couples. Why not invite them to join the party and get married? It's not like straight couples have done such a good job of commending the institution. Besides, what consenting adults do in the privacy of their bedrooms is their business alone.

To our highly individualistic Western culture, only libertarian arguments make any sense, even to many Christians. Personally we might say homosexuality is a sin; but what right do we have to impose our values on anyone else? If they aren't harming anyone else, then who can deny their gay marriages equal protection under the law?

Such questions have put Christians and other religious and even secular moral conservatives on the defensive. So it's surprising that Liza Mundy in her new cover story for The Atlantic, "The Gay Guide to Wedded Bliss," would threaten to forfeit the tactical advantage of supposed neutrality. She argues that gay marriages tend to be happier and more intimate, so straights can learn from them. Mundy even acknowledges the critics may be correct after all that gay marriage will change marriage for everyone. All to the better, Mundy writes: "by providing a new model for how two people can live together equitably, same-sex marriage could help haul matrimony more fully into the 21st century."

What Changes?

What exactly does she mean by these changes for the better? She means most basically that gay marriages erode differences between the sexes. There are no gendered roles and responsibilities. Men who love caring for babies and doing the laundry should do what feels right. Women who don't like to cook should work late instead. She believes that when we unshackle marriage from traditional expectations, we'll make it more appealing to the growing number of young adults who forsake the institution altogether or delay it much later than previous generations. And same-sex couples are already making marriage cooler, she says, leading to "nuptial fever" and a rush to the altar.

Read the full article [HERE]

Our Children Will Be Good Sailors, Well Equipped for the Voyage

"The discipline of parenting can be the road to an enlarged soul and the path to unimagined heights of spiritual development. That’s the way God planned it. [If parenting is done rightly] our children’s sails will be set to go with Christ, to buck the winds of culture, to follow wherever he leads — and our children will be good sailors, well equipped for the voyage." | Hughes, Barbara (2007-03-31). Disciplines of a Godly Family

Does Your Family Bring God Glory?

"The education of children for God is the most important business done on earth. It is the one business for which the earth exists. To it all politics, all war, all literature, all money making ought to be subordinated; and every parent especially ought to feel, every hour of the day, that next to making his own calling and election sure, this is the end for which he is kept alive by God — this is his task on earth." | Robert Dabney

How elevating it is to realize that your family is the divinely ordained and primary vehicle to bring glory to God.


Resource: Hughes, Barbara (2007-03-31). Disciplines of a Godly Family (Kindle Locations 190-193). Good News Publishers. Kindle Edition.

The Essence of Male and Female Corruptness

"The essence of sin is self-reliance and self-exaltation. First in rebellion against God, and then in exploitation of each other."

So what is really described in the curse of Genesis 3:16 is the ugly conflict between the male and female that has marked so much of human history. Maleness as God created it has been [distorted] and corrupted by sin. Femaleness as God created it has been depraved and corrupted by sin. The essence of sin is self-reliance and self-exaltation. First in rebellion against God, and then in exploitation of each other.

So the essence of corrupted maleness is the self-aggrandizing effort to subdue and control and exploit women for its own private desires. And the essence of corrupted femaleness is the self-aggrandizing effort to subdue and control and exploit men for its own private desires. And the difference is found mainly in the different weaknesses that we can exploit in one another.


The Different Weaknesses Exploited in One Another

As a rule men have more brute strength than women and so they can rape and abuse and threaten and sit around and snap their finger. It's fashionable to say those sorts of things today. But it's just as true that women are sinners. We are in God's image, male and female; and we are depraved, male and female. Women may not have as much brute strength as men, but she knows ways to subdue him. She can very often run circles around him with her words and where her words fail, she knows the weakness of his lust.

If you have any doubts about the power of sinful woman to control sinful man, just reflect for a moment on the number one marketing force in the world—the female body. She can sell anything because she knows the universal weakness of man and how to control him with it. The exploitation of women by sinful men is conspicuous because it is often harsh and violent. But a moment's reflection will show you that the exploitation of men by sinful women is just as pervasive in our society. The difference is that our sinful society sanctions the one perversity and not the other.

(Note: There are societies that do just the opposite.)



John Piper - Manhood and Womanhood: Conflict and Confusion After the Fall

The Importance of Equipping Men to Shepherd Their Families.

What better way to multiply the personal ministry of the Word than by equipping dads to pray and read the Scriptures with their families...How many of our families would be well fed if we merely gave some simple suggestions to their shepherds?

Witmer, Timothy Z. (2010-02-04). Shepherd Leader (p. 150). P&R Publishing. Kindle Edition.

More is at Stake Than We Know

I encourage you to be like a dolphin in the sea of our egalitarian, gender-leveling culture. Don’t
be like a jellyfish. The ocean of secularism that we swim in (including much of the church) drifts
toward minimizing serious differences between manhood and womanhood. The culture swings
back and forth as to whether women are mainly sex objects or senior vice presidents. But rarely
does it ponder the biblical vision that men are called to humbly lead and protect and provide, and
women are called to come in alongside with their unique gifts and strengths and help the men
carry through the vision.

I pray that you will be stirred up by Ruth and Boaz to pursue mature manhood and womanhood.
More is at stake than we know. God has made marriage the showcase of his covenant love
where the husband models Christ and the wife models the Church (Ephesians 5:21–33).

John Piper - Pursue Mature Manhood and Womanhood