Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts

Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Husbands: Your Love is Your Reward



Husbands, your reward for loving your wife well is not how she chooses to respond to you in return; on the contrary, your love for her is your reward!

God's word tells husbands to "love [their] wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her" (Eph. 5:25). And here is the good news;
God gives husbands the grace they need, to love their wives as Christ loves his church. 
Therefore, it is in this exchange—God giving a husband grace the husband giving his wife love—that a husband will find his ultimate reward. If this reasoning seems circular, that's because it's intended to be. As John Piper says, "God is most glorified in us, when we are most satisfied in him."

If your hope (in loving your wife) centers on God's expectation of you instead of your expectation of your wife, you will find joy in loving your wife, regardless how she chooses to act towards you, in return. #GrowOn #LoveWell

Wednesday, January 29, 2014

SIN - The Root Cause of Most Conflicts.


What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you?   | James 4:1 (ESV)
Regardless what the relationship, the reality is still the same; quarrels and fights are most commonly caused by sin. God has been teaching me a great deal about this lately, and unfortunately most of it has come by trial and error. When it comes to certain things, I'm a fairly passionate man. Don't ask my wife what things I'm passionate about because you might end up getting me in trouble, but all kidding aside I'm a man with fairly strong convictions on certain things. This is a good thing! God has wired every person uniquely and because of this we will be passionate about different things. Food, poverty, global warming, social justice, the sufficiency of scripture...these are all things that people hold a great deal of conviction over. And when there is true conviction, passion is sure to be present as well. 
It's a blessed thing when a church is full of passionate people...and the more diversity there is in the passions of the church, the more opportunities the local body will have to glorify God in how they live and serve together.
But be ye aware! What the words from James show us is that our passions (even if they are good things) can also be the cause for fights and quarrels. You've probably experienced this in some capacity in your own life, no? If you're living by the Spirit, your passions will drive you towards decisions which you believe honor God and bless others. But not everyone else is equally passionate about the same things. So in trying to get people to join your causes, you plead your case and pour your heart into your argument...but sometimes your convictions fall on deaf ears and others don't understand what the big deal is or simply can't relate. Where does this leave you? Do you lovingly accept their indifference and choose to move on in faith and obedience, or are you bothered by the lack of passion you've been able to stir up in others? Do you embrace the diversity of passions among your church body, or do you cast judgement on those who don't see things your way?

This is exactly what James is alluding to in this passage. It is true that God has wired you with certain passions...and he has done so in order that you might use those passions for his glory. But that doesn't mean he desires for you to do so on a holistic or corporate level inside the church. There will be certain passions that your church will embrace holistically and there will be other initiatives which will need to work on more of a grass-roots level. In these situations, individuals from the body work to promote their passions on a much smaller scale. This doesn't mean these passions are any less significant or important to the work God is trying to accomplish in the church or the world, it simply means that they don't have the same corporate buy-in as others things will. And that's OK. The question we need to ask ourselves in moments like these isn't, are my passions valid, but instead...will I be satisfied even if I'm the only one who's passionate (or convicted) about this?

Personal holiness and obedience must be key concerns in this conversation. God's word seems fairly clear that one day he will hold each person accountable for how they lived. But as I already stated above, the way God calls us to live, as individuals, is often times very different from how He calls others to live. 
We will have far more success in influencing others if we are satisfied in simply being faithful to the convictions and passions God has laid on our hearts. 
When others know the things we are passionate about and see us living faithfully and consistently into those convictions, they will see that we don't live for our own selfish ambitions or the approval of others, but instead we live to fulfill the call that God has put on our hearts. Our submission to God, in humility and obedience, will speak volumes to others and will have a far greater impact on people than our words ever will.

So, the next time you find yourself discouraged by the perceived lack of passion in others around the things God has convicted you about, remember that God has wired us all uniquely and he will hold us all accountable to the truths, convictions, and passions he has placed on our hearts as individuals and as a greater church body. Don't allow your personal passions and convictions to become idols, which dominate your thoughts and goals. We can easily turn godly things into ungodly things when we elevate them to an unhealthy place in our lives. It's great to be passionate about the things God, through his word, has convicted us on. However, if we allow these passions to consume and control us and drive us to ungodly decisions because others don't equally share with us in these passions...we are no longer honoring God. Instead, we have elevated self above others, which is not the path towards peace and unity, but is instead the path towards fights and quarrels.
"The root cause of most conflict is desires in our hearts that have become so strong that they begin to consume and control us. These desires can become little gods or idols that dominate our thoughts, goals, and actions. Since these idols are often good things we have come to want too much, we are usually blind to how wrong and destructive they are. Until they are exposed and cast down, genuine peace and reconciliation will be elusive." | Ken Sande - The Peacemaker
Love God and love your neighbor as yourself. These are the (2) greatest commandments and anything that falls short of this is sinful. God will not judge you based on how well you can sell, promote, and peddle your personal passions to other people. Instead, you will be judged based on how faithful and obedient you were to the convictions and passions God placed on your heart. Essentially, it's godly stewardship with a humble and loving heart.

For His Glory,

Jason

Thursday, May 30, 2013

Emotional Blackmail

“Emotional blackmail happens when a person equates his or her emotional pain with another person’s failure to love. They aren’t the same. A person may love well and the beloved still feel hurt, and use the hurt to blackmail the lover into admitting guilt he or she does not have. Emotional blackmail says, “If I feel hurt by you, you are guilty.” There is no defense. The hurt person has become God. His emotion has become judge and jury. Truth does not matter. All that matters is the sovereign suffering of the aggrieved. It is above question. This emotional device is a great evil. I have seen it often in my three decades of ministry and I am eager to defend people who are being wrongly indicted by it.” | John Piper

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

We Choose Love...Because Love Wins.



Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.” To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. | Romans 12:19-21 (ESV)


When we are wronged by others responding with crossness comes easy. When our wives yell at us, it's easy to be harsh with them in return. These are the natural ways in which our flesh desires to respond, but in doing so...a seed of sin is planted in our hearts...and that seed will begin to fester and grow into bitterness, resentment and hatred in our hearts.

This is ultimately what Paul is attempting to get us to understand here, when he says, "love your enemies". We choose love, because love wins. We choose to respond in humility, because humility overcomes. When we choose evil or sin, we are "overcome" by that choice and it leads to our destruction. We are robbed of the joy we would have otherwise received from God if we were to instead respond as Christ responds to us, in love.

We choose love, because love wins.


For His Glory,

Jason